a beginner's guide to survivor
a spoiler-free survivor syllabus
One of the questions I get asked most often is, “What do your tattoos mean?” Another question I get asked with roughly equal frequency, which is far less annoying, is, “You seem to be obsessed with Survivor. Isn’t that a show about eating bugs? Wait, there are FORTY seasons? Where do I start with that?” Fret not, friends. A whole new world awaits you! And if you’re wary of diving in, let me tell you that I’ve recommended watching this show to a ton of people since quarantine began, and they’ve all gotten HOOKED. My life: a story of empty triumph! Anyway, let’s start at the beginning:
Why should I watch Survivor? What is it?
Survivor is a show in which a group of ~16-20 strangers are stranded together on a deserted island. They’re usually broken up into 2 or more teams at the start, and these teams must compete against each other in challenges; the losers are sent to Tribal Council, where the host (a spry little elf named Jeff Probst) asks them sassy questions, and the tribe must vote one of their members out. Eventually, the multiple tribes merge into one, and they continue to vote people out until only 2 or 3 are left. Then, the final contestants must plead their case to a jury of their voted-out peers, who will then vote for who they think deserves to win that season of Survivor. The winner gets a cool million and the respect of Jeff Probst (sometimes).
Do they eat bugs?
Sometimes! The early seasons of Survivor lean pretty heavily into the survival aspect of the show. They feature a lot of dehydrated people stumbling around in the desert looking for rice; it’s all very Biblical. But with every season, survival becomes less of a focus and strategy becomes more important (i.e., how do you vote out all your friends and enemies while still ensuring that they vote for you to win at the end? How do you find and play hidden immunity idols and other advantages correctly? How the fuck do you complete a slide puzzle?). Additionally, although many seasons feature casts of new players, there are a ton of seasons that have returning players, so you get to watch your favorites (or not) grow and evolve (or not).
OK, you’ve convinced me. I want to watch elfin prince Jeff Probst on my TV. Where do I start?
There are many places to start. Let me present MY ideal viewing order. This viewing order is based on the fact that my personal favorite season (which is also widely considered to be one of the best) is season 20, Heroes vs. Villains. However, every player in S20 is a returning player from an earlier season, meaning that if you just jump in and start watching S20, you’re not going to appreciate it. Sorry! But if you want to get to HvV relatively quickly while also experiencing the best of what early Survivor has to offer, here’s the viewing order I usually recommend for first-time viewers:
Season 1 (Borneo). Yeah, it’s old and shot in SD and no one knows what they’re doing, but it’s still a pretty fascinating season of television with a solid winner. It’s also really interesting to watch S1 in order to see how the show evolves over time. Bonus: the “snakes and rats” final tribal speech is a spectacular, ferocious piece of writing that I would like read at my funeral.
Season 7 (Pearl Islands). The pirate season! This cast is full of legendary Survivor players, and it features one of the best reality TV villains of all time.
[Season 12 (Panama) - optional. Is it a good season? Not really. But it’s the debut season of one of the greatest Survivor players ever, so it might be worth a watch if you’re interested. Plus, it features a man who quit smoking right before going on the show who ends up using a piece of wood as a Blackberry, which, let’s be honest, is just good TV.]
Season 13 (Cook Islands). This season is a low-key literal race war, and I apologize for that. However, it’s one of the most diverse seasons the show has ever had, and the cast is GOOD. One of the cast members is My Husband — see if you can guess who! (It’s Yul. Sorry, Yul.)
Season 15 (China). I’ve found that this is a divisive season (it has a different feel from some of the other ones), but I like it quite a bit. The cast is fun, and the challenges are tied to the location in an interesting way. Drink every time James talks about a woman eating ‘the apple’! Drink every time Courtney (queen) rolls her eyes! Drink heavily whenever Jean-Robert speaks!
Season 16 (Micronesia). The first ‘returning players’ season on this list, S16 is “Fans vs. Favorites”, and it is DELICIOUS. The first few episodes are a little slow, but once you get past that, each episode is better than the last. A top 3 season for me.
Survivor 18 (Tocantins). A cast full of legends, a hilariously plain immunity idol, and a solid winner. This is the season that probably gets the most use out of the “screeching eagle” sound effect, if you’re into that sort of thing.
Season 20 (Heroes vs Villains). Probably the best season of the show. There are a few contestants on here who will be new to you if you’ve only watched the above seasons (see below for their seasons), but otherwise, you should be able to figure out their deals via context clues. Plus: Tyson explaining to Coach why people don’t like him? Colby losing his fucking mind because he’s not as strong as he was 10 years ago? Sandra pulling off Sugar’s top in the first challenge? You guys, it’s a classic.
If you want to go into S20 as a completist, you can either watch every season leading up to HvV (legit!) or you can follow my order and just add seasons 2, 4, 8, 10, 11, 17 and 19. I know there are gaps in my recommended order that will make die-hard fans yell at me - for example, I don’t have any seasons up there with Boston Rob, who is a legendary player who shows up in S20 but otherwise happens to play almost exclusively in seasons I dislike (sorry, Rob). Anyway, I have my reasons for not including these seasons on my list (many of them are slogs, and some of them have aged pretty poorly), but even a bad early Survivor season has its moments, so feel free to check them out.
If you’ve finished HvV and you want more (yay!), here are most of the post-S20 seasons I like:
Season 23 (South Pacific). A strange, almost Gothic season. A tale of religious fervor in the jungle, with one of my favorite winners and one of my favorite insane moves. This season is pure drama and the more I see it, the more I love it. Plus, you get to see some of the worst fake acting EVER. This shit is SHAKESPEAREAN!
[Season 24 (One World) - optional. An absolute train wreck of a season - you’ll probably be able to call the winner by episode 4, and the sexism is rampant - but it has some very funny moments, there’s an atrocious gay villain, and the winner is legendary. VERY optional.]
Season 25 (Philippines). A solid season in a very strange stretch of seasons. I like this one quite a bit.
Season 28 (Cagayan). This season is CHAOS!!! There’s a lot of cop talk, which is something that no longer sits very well with me, and I view some of the early episodes very differently after listening to some of the Black players from this season talk about their experience being on the show. That being said, it’s one of the craziest, funniest, most gonzo seasons ever, and I love it.
Season 31 (Cambodia). This is another all-returning players season, so if you want to watch it, you may want to watch S27 (I don’t care for the gimmick, and I don’t care for the season), S29 (it’s fine) and S30 (possibly my least favorite season ever, see below). Anyway, even though a lot of the returning players are pulled from so-so seasons, I think this one is pretty good, and the winner is satisfying.
Season 32 (Kaôh Rōng). Another one that grows on me every time I watch it. The “brains” vs “brawn” vs “beauty” gimmick is solid gold. This season is also the season of injuries!! You get an injury! You get an injury! Everyone gets an injury! One lady gets a bug stuck in her ear! It’s horrifying! I love this season. It has one of the most satisfying villain take-down moments I’ve ever seen, and there’s a chicken named Mark! What else do you need, Sia to give someone from this season $50,000 for basically no reason? Because SIA DID THAT!
Season 33 (Millennials vs. Gen X). To answer your question: yes, the gimmick is a nightmare. It is VERY annoying when Jeff brings the Gen X-ers to Tribal Council and then says “When you text the word ‘you’, do you spell it out, or do you write the letter ‘u’?” And then they present the results as some kind of grand social experiment that proves… something? Anyway, other than that, it’s a fun season, and the cast is really, really good. (I would like to be friends with Zeke! Call me, Zeke!)
Season 36 (Ghost Island). The gimmick is silly as hell (the ghosts are the mistakes made by players from previous seasons! ooooohh [ghost noise]) but I think it’s a pretty fun season.
Season 37 (David vs Goliath). The best cast! Incredible moves! Advantages and idols played with aplomb! JACKET DRAMA! This is a top 3 season for me, and one that I can rewatch any time because of how great everyone is. Christian is one of my all-time favorite players, and his showdown with Alec might be my favorite Survivor challenge ever. Plus, Mike White is there? Watch this season!
Season 40 (Winners at War). You’re probably going to want to go back and watch some other seasons to get up to speed on all the previous winners (S3, S8, S11, S22 (ugh), S29, S34 (see note below), S35). But it’s worth it - this season is probably the craziest, most intense one ever. I have some issues with the way it was designed and edited, as well as with the winner, but overall, it’s an incredible season with some WILD moves and big personalities.
You monster, this is a lot of information. Can’t I just jump in and watch the dang show?
Sure can. Season 7 (Pearl Islands) and 13 (Cook Islands) are fun early seasons that don’t require any previous knowledge of the game. Season 28 (Cagayan) and Season 37 (David vs Goliath) are both great stand-alone seasons that might be a little overwhelming if you’ve never seen the show, but the casts are so much fun that you should be able to follow along and enjoy the ride anyway.
Are there any seasons I shouldn’t watch?
Even the bad seasons of Survivor typically have some redeeming value, whether it’s a fun cast member or a great idol play. However, there are a few seasons I truly struggle with recommending:
Season 30 (Worlds Apart) is an ugly, miserable slog rife with sexism. I truly disliked watching it. The supposed highlight of the season is the introduction of fan favorite golden boy Joe Anglim, who is now (ALLEGEDLY; don’t sue me) in a cult, which proves to me that everything this season touches turns to garbage.
Season 34 (Game Changers). Honestly, this season isn’t terrible. However, I don’t love that the winner is someone I like less and less every day, and there are so many advantages and idols in play that it straight up ruins the game at one point. But the main reason S34 is on this list is because there is a Tribal Council where one contestant outs another contestant as being trans on national TV, which is absolutely brutal and genuinely really difficult to watch. If you do watch this season, be prepared for that.
Season 39 (Island of the Idols). A terrible gimmick and a relatively boring cast make this season bad, but what makes it worse is a sexual harassment scandal that is handled poorly by both several of the players (who try to use it to their advantage in the game) as well as the production team (who don’t take action until it’s way too late). It’s painful to watch, and I recommend staying far away from it.
I am overwhelmed by the amount of information in this post, so I scrolled to the bottom as fast as I could.
Luckily, I am not the King of Survivor! That is Jeff Probst. I am just a fan who loves Survivor. It’s gotten me through some tough times and provided me with many hours of entertainment and joy. So, overwhelmed reader, let me say: you can’t go wrong by just picking a season that sounds cool and settling in for a good time.
Where can I hear more of your thoughts on Survivor?
I have a podcast called “Come On In, Guys” with my friend and fellow Survivor fan Jake Dierksheide! We covered the most recent season (S40), in which I yelled a lot about men. Did you know that they ruin everything?
Any last thoughts?
Enjoy! I am always around if you have questions, because I love talking about Survivor. And if you disagree with anything I’ve said here, I don’t care. I am right. The tribe has spoken!
