jeremy renner's new album, reviewed
"live for now" is now streaming on spotify
Anyone who knows me knows that I am weirdly fascinated by Jeremy Renner, the Avenger no one likes, a two-time Oscar nominee whose for-profit app was shut down after trolls figured out how to make it look like Jeremy Renner was sending people messages about watching pornos, a man who delivers a restrained performance in Arrival despite having a social media presence that makes me think he wishes he were a big truck so he could give big truck kisses to other trucks. Jeremy Renner does have a music career, a fact which shocks some people. In 2019 he released a song called “Heaven Don’t Have A Name,” which begs the question, where does Jeremy Renner think you go after you die? Milwaukee? Anyway, here is my exhaustive review of Jeremy Renner’s latest EP, Live For Now, which was released four minutes ago.
“Live For Now”
First of all, I had to fucking quit and reopen Spotify to access this album, which made me feel like the biggest loser on the planet. Then I typed in ‘Jeremy’ on the Spotify search bar and Spotify was like, “Do you want to listen to the Pearl Jam song?” No, Spotify, I want to listen to the guy from The Hurt Locker sing about how a carburetor is like a woman, because I’m a fucking psychopath sitting in the dark at 11 PM on a Thursday listening to Jeremy Fucking Renner, and Pearl Jam is for people with access to money and vegetables.
The title song of Renner’s EP is aggressively generic. It is the lens flare of music, at once seemingly ubiquitous and easy to overlook in favor of more interesting things, like an earthenware bowl full of cold millet. He sings, over and over again, that we have to “live for now,” which I THINK is meant to sound empowering (i.e., we need to live in the moment), but it SOUNDS like he is merely resigned to living for now until he reaches a higher plane of existence, i.e., until someone comes up with a better alternative to ‘life’. “We gotta live for now - at least until I figure out how to drive my motorcycle straight to hell,” one imagines Renner saying, before taking a shot of tequila and swaggering out of an Applebee’s directly into a burning forest.
“Love Is A War”
Love used to be a battlefield. Now it is a war. This song is literally just Jeremy Renner being like, I am in the worst fucking relationship of my life!!! He mentions landmines MULTIPLE TIMES! “Let’s pull the chute and call it over,” Renner’s narrator begs. “Let’s convene a meeting like the one at Yalta/So I can figure out who I am without ya,” he does NOT sing, but you believed it for a second, didn’t you? Didn’t you?! I’m a genius!! Jeremy Ezekiel Renner, let me write songs for you!
“She’s A Fire”
“I know she’ll be my third degree,” this song begins, because Jeremy Renner’s favorite thing to do is come up with a title and then write a song that’s absolutely jam-packed with ALL OF THE imagery related to that title, like a kid who wants to have the fattest little Build-A-Bear money can buy so he keeps stuffing it and its head keeps fucking falling off. “She’s a fire/she’ll kill you slow,” the backup singers croon, unaware that most fires kill rapidly and without warning. Kind of like love, I guess?
You may notice that I haven’t really been describing what the songs sound like. That’s because they all sound the same. However, if I am being honest, this song kinda rules. I just want a love that will suffocate and burn me, like the one Jeremy Renner has.
“Just My Type”
Maybe this is my homosexuality speaking, but when I try to think about all 5 ft 9 inches of Jeremy Renner acting in a… sexual way?, my body recoils like I’ve just dived genitalia-first into a bucket full of soggy nachos. This is one of those songs where Jeremy sings about how good he is at sex and how much he would like to have sex with a woman who is just his type. It’s nice that he knows exactly what he likes. To some people, this existence is challenging. Not to Jeremy. Jeremy just wants to parachute out of Love War into a Sex Fire with a woman who is Just His Type. At the end of the day, isn’t that what we’re all looking for?
“Sippy Cup”
Anyone who follows Jeremy Renner on Instagram (me) knows that he has a daughter, so I thought, OK, this song will be a heartfelt ballad to his daughter, but I WAS WRONG, this song is about ADULTS drinking??? And it is called “SIPPY CUP”????? If a man ever gave me a drink and said, “Just fill it up/Your sippy cup,” that man would be burned at the stake in every single group chat on my phone (I am not a confrontational person). Mysteriously, this song features the line “Everybody’s got a secret/And we’re all just trying to keep it,” which is repeated constantly. Is this because I keep DMing Jeremy Renner my secrets on Instagram?? Somebody needs to let me know (Jeremy?).
This song also features a horn section, because there is no God and my life is a joke that was cut from an episode of According to Jim for being too sad.
“The One”
Full disclosure: I have a headache and I feel like I’m trapped in a Kia commercial. This is a song where an auto-tuned Jeremy Renner sings a difficult goodbye to his The One, who he is leaving for… unclear reasons. It sounds mysterious, but in a way where you know the truth is not at all interesting. OK, here’s a question: why are men always “living life on the run”? Bitch, where do you have to be? Is Jeremy Renner still in character as Jason Bourne? Can men ever just fucking relax? Is it because of trucks?
This song also features the line, “Gravity can’t keep you down.” No Neil Degrasse Tyson am I! I simply chortled merrily and went on with my evening.
“Stereo Love”
LITERALLY EVERY SONG ON THIS ALBUM IS ABOUT LOVE, NOT ACTUAL LOVE BUT JUST KIND OF THE CONCEPT OF IT? LIKE HOW NICE IT IS TO BE IN LOVE, BUT THERE IS NO ACTUAL SPECIFICITY OR ANY SENSE OF HOW HE ACTUALLY FEELS, AND I DON’T KNOW WHY I’M GOING INSANE ABOUT THIS BUT I WAS JUST LISTENING SO HARD TO THIS WHOLE ALBUM AND IT ALL ENTERED AND EXITED MY BRAIN IN A MATTER OF MOMENTS, LEAVING BEHIND NO TRACE!!!!!!!
Anyway, thank you for reading. Jeremy, if you ever see this: please call me. I know we can still work things out!!!